No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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