Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
