my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
