I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
