Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
