You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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