I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
