I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
