i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
