is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
