i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
