I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i believe in u and ur pee
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
