Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
