I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
