I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My dick has a subreddit
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
