Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
4 words: hood of his car
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
