You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
