My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
