Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
