I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
