my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
