If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
