i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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