In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
