Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
