i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
