Christians are straight up FREAKS
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
