This is not my ceiling
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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