wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
