Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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