once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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