answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
my liver is dry heaving
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
