Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
