I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
