Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
