Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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