I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Randomize
