But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
