Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
