my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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