While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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