i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
