Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
