Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
