Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
