??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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