even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
