I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
