After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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