Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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