I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
