Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
where are my eyebrows?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
