found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
