Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
